Why Harry near Indy needs to learn how to cook

Not your enemy

OK, regular poster and bachelor harry near indy says he can't cook.

(Head hung low)

When my nephew, who was eight, said that he would have someone cook for him, we cut that bullshit right out. I didn't want to have him grow up to be one of those guys who has to rely on a woman for a decent meal. That's just fucking pathetic.

I mean, cooking isn't a gender specific skill. Or men lose the power to heat up a stove because mom always cooked.

I learned to cook from my father, who worked nights when I was in elementary school. So he had the time to show me what to do. Mostly it was watching him by example which influenced me.

So that's no excuse.

Nor is fear. You won't blow up the house unless you're stupid. Or set the kitchen on fire and that's really hard outside of TV commercials.

But learning to cook is both a financial and health issue. The less you eat outside, it's healthier, cheaper and a useful skill.

Why bother? Our fellow members of the leftist barbecue conspiracy are impressed with our cooking. We grill, we make desert. Ask Jen about my bread pudding.:)

Here's a simple guide

Learning to cook will save you a ton of money, yes, because it's much cheaper to cook at home from basic ingredients. It's also healthier. But neither of these fantastic benefits is the primary reason we think you should sharpen that chopping knife.

Those of us who love to cook know the answer to this one in our hearts as well as minds. Cooking is a creative art. Like painting or dancing or a perfect tennis serve, cooking can be one of the most fulfulling of outlets for creative energy. Serving a delicious meal, whether it's perfect pancakes or a five-course meal with wines, is serving love on a plate.

(Heaven forfend we mention how many mates have been snared by those, male and female, who demonstrate superior kitchen skills. Let's not go there. This is a cooking series, not a dating service.)

Yes, you have to practice cooking skills. But just like you learned the lyrics to South Pacific or how to shoot a left-handed layup, you can learn to cook three basic pasta sauces and how to cut up onions and thicken soup and filet a fish -- basic techiques you can apply to hundreds of dishes.

Well, I don't know about South Pacific, but cooking is a skill like any other.

The first thing you're thinking, I can't cook.

Well, the first time you had sex, you didn't say "I can't fuck". No, you tried anyway, even if the results were subpar. Even if your partner wasn't happy.

Well, cooking is the same way. You may fumble, but it gets better.

And the key to building confidence is patience. Now, the site I've posted lists a step by step method of learning to cook, and it's worth following.

But what anyone needs to know is that they don't have to turn into Alton Brown overnight In fact, ignoring the Food Network and PBS might be good.

Let's start at the beginning.




A children's cookbook? Why not the Joy of Cooking?

Well, you don't take someone to lose their virginity in a Paris sex club and you don't expect someone who is afraid of burning water to pick up the Joy of Cooking.

This is the cookbook which I bought my niece and nephew, so they could learn to make new things with their harried mother.

But it's a great place to start because it goes through the basics simply with lots of pictures. And once you knock out a couple of things in it, like the brownies, you'll grow confidence.

Ok, so you're thinking, I grill.

Good. So you aren't completely paralyzed by fire. You can do a mean hot dog. Well, upgrade your game. Wake up some morning, grill up a kielbasa or other sausage, fix some eggs in a cast iron pan right on the grill and if that's too hard, toast up some bread on the grill, and you still have a breakfast sandwich and can prepare for later day grilling.

If you don't have access to a grill, you can get a grill pan, a frying pan with bars. It works well on the stove. Watch it, it won't burn. Kielbasa just has to warm through, it's already cooked. It's a basic, simple breakfast, and if you butn it, you can start over.

The one thing is not to feel overwhelmed. You can cook without cooking. You can start with salads, which is cooking. And nothing can burn. You cannot screw up Ceasar Salad, and you can buy a precooked chicken breast. Slice it up, use a high quality dressing like Newman's Own, and you have a light gourmet meal. Toss in some garlic toast, and it's fine dining.

You do that, you stun people, especially people who need to be stunned.

OK. Let's say you're now comfortable around the stove. Let's say you drag some poor woman back from a date. Instead of going to 7-11 for slushies, get some ice cream, and do the following.

You take one frying pan. Cut up some fruit. Or in a pinch, defrost frozen peaches and blueberries.

Put a little water, sugar and cinnamon in the pan. Toss in the fruit. Heat up the fruit until there is a visible syrup in the pan. Turn off the pan. Toss in a couple of shots of liquor, rum or bourbon will do. Heat the pan up again, it might flame up, but the booze will burn off. Get some ice cream, spoon this over it, and watch what happens next. Simple, easy to do with a little confidence, but the results are magic, especially when you want to impress someone. And it works over pancakes as well.

Cooking is a skill to learn because it not only gets you better food, but really impresses the hell out of women.