Too funny not to pass on

Isn't that what you said, Lance?

I really like gay men, but I'm not gay

Is there something wrong with me?

By Cary Tennis

Aug. 18, 2006 | Dear Cary,

I've just gone through my second divorce. Before I was ever married, I had a series of more or less monogamous relationships. All lovely women, all madly in love with me, but I just couldn't get along with them. I was too critical, not attentive enough, just plain ornery, whatever. Drove them nuts and they in turn drove me nuts with their unhappiness, their dissatisfaction, their anger.

I've always wanted a true partner in life, and as I get older this becomes more important than the sex or, now that they're grown and gone, the kids. But I really do start to wonder: What's wrong with me?

I read the jokes, "Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em," "What do women want?" -- all these male one-liners that tell me I'm not alone, except that I am alone, again.

Here's the thing: I like men. Not straight men, who have too much focus on sports scores and cars, too much bluff and testosterone; I don't find them relaxing to be around. I have had gay men friends, most of whom were first friends of one of my wives. They've been interesting to talk to, funny, noncompetitive and just generally good company. Part of me thinks these are the people I should be around.

But I'm not gay. I've always been a pussy hound, and the idea of kissing a man, sucking dick or sharing my poop chute with one is a total turnoff. I get not one tiny frisson of curiosity when I think about that stuff.

I've thought about it and I really don't think I'm repressing anything. I would just like that kind of companionship. What's going on with me, Cary?

I-less in Gayza

Dear I-less,

Let's try to understand what's going on here. You like being with gay men but you're not interested in them sexually. You like being with them because they are "interesting to talk to, funny, noncompetitive and just generally good company."

Maybe this isn't about gayness at all; maybe it's about friendship. Maybe the people who best meet your needs for friendship in this particular period of your life just happen to be gay. Maybe you like them because they exhibit a talent for friendship: concern for your well-being, discretion, wit, compassion, intelligence, good manners, discernment.

There's nothing wrong with that.